


"How Do You Like Them Apples?": A Co-Pearenting Fic.

by lovemuppet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M, UST, affronts to god and science, alternate universe where pears and apples are the same genus, cas is team pear, dean is obviously team apple, orchard owner cas, orchard owner dean, tree babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemuppet/pseuds/lovemuppet
Summary: based on a prompt by Cryptomoon:"Neighboring long time orchard owners, Dean of Winchester Family Apples and Cas of Eden Farms have been bitter rivals their whole lives. Eden Farms grows pears and Dean thinks that's absolutely stupid because it's Eden, they should grow apples. But that's beside the point. They've hated each other since they could walk. Now they each have taken over their family's farms and do their best to civilly ignore one another. Until! Some trees on the edge of their properties spontaneously cross breed and they are forced to figure out what to do with these co-parented Pearapples. Applepears?"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 89





	"How Do You Like Them Apples?": A Co-Pearenting Fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Just so that I can remember later: The song I had on loop was the Cake cover of War Pigs.

Anna and Gabriel jumped as the dutch door crashed open in the kitchen. "That absolute Idiot! _**Applears**_?!" Castiel stomped in with muddy rain boots. He slammed his basket down on the breakfast table, making the dishes rattle. Pears rolled out of the basket; squatty pears with an odd red-green mottled hue.

  
To be perfectly honest they almost looked like apples. 

"What's the matter?" Jack asked coming in from the other room. 

Gabriel picked up the fruit and sniffed. It still smelled like a pear for the most part. He took a small bite. Castiel put his hands on his hips and watched, eyes like two blue and fiery comets.

The crunch of the flesh was unmistakable. Anna gasped. "Well I'll be damned, it's an Applear." Gabriel spat out a laugh and passed the fruit to Anna. "It tastes just like a pear but with the crisp of an apple." 

"I'm gonna kill him." Castiel turned and stomped back out of the kitchen leaving the door wide open on the early fall morning. 

"Castiel, where are you going?" Anna called.

"TO READY A WEAPON."

It shouldn't even be possible they aren't even the same genus. Leave it to Dean Winchester to-to _spread his damn seed._

Castiel tossed things around in the shed. He didn't know what he was looking for. He didn't want to cut his trees down. It wasn't their fault that that bow-legged, green-eyed _monster_ had literally **shit all over the rules of biology.**

But damn it, _something_ had to die for this. 

Jack edged into the barn. "What are you looking for, Castiel?" 

"The hedge trimmers." He said, finally settling down on a tool to maim Dean Winchester with. 

"Please don't cut them down! I'm sure we can work something out with the Winchesters." 

**_Oh no._**  
  
Castiel's shoulders slumped. Jack had brought up a very good point. Castiel _couldn't_ cut the trees down even if he had wanted to. They weren't producing Eden's Pears anymore. He couldn't even pray that Dean Winchester cut them down out of spite. They weren't producing Winchester Family apples either.

This was now a joint venture, which meant. Ugh. _Mediation_. "I don't want to." 

"I don't think we have much of a choice. It would be a shame to waste good produce, right?" 

Castiel groaned. "Fine, I'll go talk to him." He pulled the hedge clippers off of their hook. "But I'm taking this with me."

Jack tilted his head "I thought-"

"It's not for the trees."

Dean Winchester kicked open the door of Sam's office, tracked in mud, and dropped a bag of the weirdest looking apples either of them had ever seen into Sam's lap. "That son of a bitch thinks he can play God. **_Papples_**? Really?" Sam opened his mouth to ask but Dean put up his hand and closed his eyes. "Just. _eat it_." 

Except for the little bump at the top by the stem, it looked very much like an apple. If sam didn't know any better, he'd say it was an imperfect (a very imperfect) Fuji and laugh it off. But Dean wasn't laughing. His body was spring-loaded like he was about to flip Sam's desk over and his eyes were screwed shut. 

Sam took a bite, relishing in that first snap of an apple and...pear? Sam blinked. "Wow...That's- _that's a Papple_. "

"It's sick. That's what it is." Dean said, sounding nauseated. "It's an apple-shaped lie. Leave it to _Castiel_ Knight to fuck up an apple. I don't know how he did it. Sammy, I really don't. Dude doesn't even know how to use a damn brush, I don't know how he figured out to make this-this-" 

"Papple?" 

"Don't even say it!" He leaned against Sam's desk heavily on both hands and looked his brother in the eyes. "What do you say you and me go out there with the wood chipper and-" 

"Dean we can't cut down those trees." 

"Who said anything about the trees?"

Sam shot him a reproachful look, "Dean." He sighed and took another bite of the Papple. "I'm serious. We can't cut down the trees. They're not technically _ours_ any more they're--"

Dean stood slack-jawed for a moment before scrubbing his face and muttering, "shared crop. Fuck me, we're actually going to have to talk to him." 

"You, Dean. _You_ are going to talk to him." 

"You're the lawyer! You can go speak nerd to him! Maybe you can get that stick out of his ass." 

Sam grimaced. "No Dean, you own the farm, you do the dirty work. Have fun, and eat something, you sound hangry." He tossed a Papple to Dean, hitting him square in the chest.

Dean had roared into the lane between their orchards in his big black beast of a car. True to form, he sped the car up and whipped it around like this peaceful little lane was the parking lot of a 7-11. Castiel managed an unimpressed quirk of his eyebrow the dust cleared and Dean got out. Cowboy boots clomping over to him in the haze. 

It was high noon. Castiel Knight stood less than twenty paces away from Dean Winchester with the hedge clippers in his hand. 

"Winchester." 

"Hello to you too, Cas." 

The lapsed into a loaded, smoldering silence. Dean was still advancing, his bow-legged gait drawing Castiel's eyes where they damn well ought not to be drifting. Dean stopped a few feet away and folded his arms over his chest. "What? See something you like?" 

Cas's eyes narrowed and he said "No" in a voice like thunder over a barn. "I have to talk to you about the Papples." 

"You mean the Applears?" 

Castiel advanced on him now and Dean watched the storm brewing on his face. "Two. Whole. Rows. Winchester." He was now firmly in Dean's bubble. Castiel's lips were chapped and it made Dean's tongue dart out over his own. " Why did you do it?" He demanded. " _ **How**_ did you do it? There's a whole lane between our orchards!" 

Dean's eyes went back up to Castiel's and he frowned. " _I **didn't**_ ," he said, voice deep and surprisingly thick. 

Confusion clouded Cas's features. "You didn't? Then how?" He searched Dean's face. The air between them seemed impossibly thin but damned if Dean was gonna tap out first. 

He managed a small chuckle. "You think _I_ know? I didn't even graduate high school, Cas. _You're_ the one with the fancy degree."

  
Castiel blinked, his face relaxing. It wasn't subterfuge. It was an accident. He wasn't sure who's family to blame for it either. The Knights were about as well known as the Winchesters were when it came to their near-supernatural blunders. "I have no idea. By all accounts, they _shouldn't_." 

"No, they _shouldn't_." Dean agreed but it no longer sounded like they were talking about the trees. 

Castiel noticed again how thin the air seemed. He wanted to blame Dean's little display with the Impala and all of the dust in the air. He wanted to blame it on Dean who was breathing heavily, _greedily, **hungrily**_.  
  
What little air Castiel could get was tinted with aftershave, leather and--Papples. 

Castiel realized he had been so furious this morning he hadn't properly _tasted_ the damn things. "You had one." Dean nodded, openly transfixed now by Castiel's mouth. "What did it taste like?" 

"Like a Pear, Cas." Dean said quietly. 

Castiel thought he may die of oxygen deprivation. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He closed the small space between them to steal back his share of the air between them. It seemed to work, Dean let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around Cas. 

Now to taste the damn Papple. He coaxed Dean Winchester's mouth open and set to remedy his curiosity. Dean's mouth did taste faintly of pear which pleased Castiel more than he thought it had any right to. 

He sighed and dropped the hedge clippers. Suddenly the only "Business Meeting" he wanted to have was a quick "exchange" pushed up against a bastard Applear Tree. 

From the way Dean was slowly inching them to the fence of Eden's Orchard, Cas got the message that his new business partner would be highly amenable to that proposal. 

As it turned out: Jack, Sam, Anna, and Gabriel had spent two full years trying to figure out how to make the hybrids. Their vote to call them "Peapplears" was vetoed by management and they found they didn't mind. Their original plan was fruitful enough. Two farms became one and they lived very happily (and insanely rich) ever after.


End file.
